Redemption

With her being gone…..I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged.

Their feathers are just too bright.

And when they fly away......the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice

But still......the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that she’s gone.

I guess I just miss my friend….my guide…my wonderwall.

She always insists me to move on?

“Move on”? I don't have any idea. What that means.

Possibly It means you're ready to re-join society and lead a normal life.

To me it's just a made-up word.

A word so that inertia of rest for......guy like me move and start walking from dead.

What does she really want to know?

Am I sorry for what I did?

There's not a day goes by, I don't feel regret.

Not because I'm in this state of mind, But rather because she think I should.

I look back on the way I was then......a young...overconfident...stupid guy who committed

that terrible thing.

I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him.

Tell him the way things are. But I can't.

That guy’s long gone......and this man who has lost his balance is all that's left.

And I got to live with that.

*lines are copied from the movie Shawshank Redemption The movie…….but modified to suit the cause

LOVE........"THE EMOTION"

When I goggled for a definition or meaning of Love, I found the following definition on Wikipedia.

“Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection —"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". Love may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals”.

The reason for Googling it now is that someone asked me the definition of love 4 years back. I was not able to answer to that question then. Hence I am trying to figure out the definition now.

For me definition of love is not much different from what I have found on Wikipedia. To me love is Unconditional…..it does not have the “Give and take” thing that drives the world. This unselfishness is what makes It difficult to comprehend and relate it to the selfish world we live in. Love of a mother to her child should top the list if there exist any.But to be honest listing them and giving ratings to the relationships where you Share Love, Receive Love, Give love,Create Love,Nurture Love,…….is actually  foolish idea of brain….and hence not recommended as one loves with heart not the Brain.

As darkness is experienced or felt by absence of light. Love can be experienced or felt by absence of hatred. It doesn’t matter….hate never comes in the picture and possibly this is why they call “LOVE IS BLIND”

A man never Falls in Love,He always rises in love.

But but but..........to love someone else you have to love yourself. Only those who love themselves can love others. In recent times I have started hating myself……..This is my effort to try loving myself back……and how it would be achieved………wondering!!!!!!!!!….this recalls me another law in physics:

The zeroth law of thermodynamics states that if two systems are in thermal equilibrium with a third system, they are also in thermal equilibrium with each other.

My interpretation of this law…….I love you……and You(readers) love me back…….so according to this law…..I love myself too thus maintaining the equilibrium (the Balance) within. On my journey to balance my life and loving myself back...........

As an end to this blog I would share something I had written for the love of my life.

 “I would always come back home to you” .I did say those words quite a few numbers of times to you. I never knew the depth of words I have been using nor did you. As a lost soul on the journey of life, I would ponder on things I see, things I perceive, even stop for some time and think about them. But the eternal truth would be that I have always seen you as an INSPIRATION POWERHOUSE. When I am down and out, don’t have any energy to stand, when things don’t go as it is planned. I look at you for some energy, some life to be induced into me again. I own this life to you , I could never bid you adieu , you are inseparable, You are part of my soul.

“BALANCE”

The world is hanging…hanging in a  Balance. I find the world BALANCE as the one that defines the world to me.  

”BALANCE IS LIFE”

 A man strives hard to maintain the balance in his every day to day life and whenever the balance is lost he suffers. 

 

Sir Issac Newton should be called as the father of philosophy…..errrr!!!….. its not a printing mistake but intended I find this very amusing how NEWTONS three laws applies not only to matter but to the soul.

Newtons First Law :An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. An object in motion continues in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

When I read it closely I find my life following this law religiously. I still remember one day I was heading back to hostel from edge makers. I saw the city busy passing by,I wanted to catch the bus so I started running towards it only to realize that I have gained the INERTIA of motion. I went pass the bus and didn’t stop to board the bus which was supposed to be purpose of my running rather I carried on running because I was in motion and I was enjoying it.                                                                                                                                                          

This is what I have been doing throughout my life running after to bus and getting so engrossed in running that I forget the purpose of it. They always say that journey is more important then the end or start But I guess I took it too seriously walking the journey without an end or destination. I wanted to be a school teacher when I was in school. I wanted to be the Rickshaw when I traveled to my school by rickshaw. When I watched the Gardner watering the plants I wanted to be Gardner as well. 

Talking about balance again a man tries to balance multiple things………foremost of all is ME or Aham (in Hindi) vs The world……..Then comes the Heart Vs Brain…………Emotions Vs Practicality………..Moral Vs dishonesty…………professional life Vs Personal Life………..Love Vs Hate……Right Vs Wrong………White Vs Black…….(to be understood as colors not race, no one is born racist society make them)………….thats why I advocate to be grey…though It is a negative word for many……but this is how one would be between Angel (white) and Devil (Black)……Whenever this balance disturbs we need to fix in somehow.And there comes my friend….”The all mighty:God”  we use it as a fictitious weight to balance our lives. Sometimes we loath him, sometimes we thank him , sometimes we adore him (his creativity) & Sometimes we pray.  

"The god is non-existent but still omnipresent"

This whole blog seem to wavered but this is the balance I want to create between ME (aham) and you (the world) with help of the virtual weight “THE GOD”